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Posted by: Brink at May 24, 2007 1:54 AM

http://www.robbrink.com/wp-content/brink-cintra-skatepark.jpg

http://www.robbrink.com/wp-content/cintrababies.jpg

Posted by: Brinkcasso at May 24, 2007 2:22 AM

Do vinyl babies grow up into this?

Posted by: steven at May 24, 2007 7:43 AM

I name this child... Vy'Nyl

Posted by: steven at May 24, 2007 10:37 AM

I think her name should be Edie....Edie Amin Sedgwick, Last Infanta of Scotland.

I present her with the Ball (Chambourd bottle) and Sceptre
(Stun-baton).

May she rule Manhattan with a vinyl hand.

Posted by: Cintra "So? Madonna Did It" Wilson at May 24, 2007 10:50 AM

I'm likin' Edie Amin Sedgwick -- but here 's the thing: Whatever we call this young lady, we'd better be nice to her. According to
this Times article, most taxpayers in the future will look like her. Maybe call her Maria Conchita Ahlovesyou.

Oh yeah. And Cintra rocks.

Posted by: Don "That Last Drop Ain't So Good" Miguel at May 24, 2007 11:02 AM

Not surprisingly, Cintra has found another way to tap-into the collective, freakishly American Juju-Psyche and enable our nightmares to become real--"vinylly" real.

Thanks, Wilson. Thanks a BUNCH. Or a bundle. Or a bouncing bundle.

This hits proverbial "home" and knocks the ball so far out of the park that only a synthetic baby could survive the deep waters to recover said ball (in the East River, prolly).

My mother, whom I still love (though she was shotgun-forced to hate me --PASSIONATELY--from the moment I spewed from her womb), collects a rather rank assortment of baby-dolls like this.

Oh Jesus help me--the last, most recent-ish time I tried to go home and play Dutiful Doomed & Damned Diplomat, mommy had me sleep in a room where 500 (YEAH) dollies of all sorts (many indeed being of vinyl stock) stared down at me with the Eyes of Laser-Taser Shame.

After the puking and "crunch-time" rosary-bead rattling that got me through the night, I scurried (by plane) back to Cali and promptly had the nervous breakdown I so desperately deserved.

Know only THIS: One can never, EVER sleep naked in a room full of condescending vinyl baby dolls.

I offer that smidge of advice as a friendly caution, if you will.

It isn't nurture. It isn't nature.

It's nuts.

Posted by: Ian "Sad, Sorta Heartbroken & Other Stuff, Too" Ransom at May 24, 2007 11:12 AM

Awww.

OK everybody: group Blog hug. We're your family now, Ian.

And we promise that whenever we make you sleep naked around hundreds of vinyl dolls, you bet your ASS you'd be able to have sex with them.

Both Greek and French style.

Coz we luv you.

Posted by: Cintra "Cheer Up Ian" Wilson at May 24, 2007 11:32 AM

Great Caesar's Ghost! "Look Ian at all your unborn babies in Limbo." Did Mom know Joan Crawford?

Posted by: steven at May 24, 2007 11:41 AM

"Mother."

Mother could be a most caring and devoted soul, but also a fragile and dangerously moody being.

Rife with emotions--sometimes for valid reasons and sometimes not--she was intelligent, but suffered numerous hardships that no one should ever have had to endure. She lost both of her parents at a young age, and this weighed heavily upon the living-out of her life.

Unfortunately, Mother also dug an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with her own misery and frequently performed spectacular cannonballs.

Also, in terms of stylism, Mother won the id-damaging Vocal Pyrotechnic Trophy--hands down.

At full shriek, she emitted sounds of devastating pitch. Her "screams" were a marrow-melting cross between the sound of a macaw being skewered (alive) up-the-ass with a rotisserie-spit and a Howler Monkey at the precise moment of vagina-splitting childbirth.

But...I love her. She is the most beautiful woman on earth--a dead ringer for Jessica Lange (circa 'King Kong').

I was a "shotgun baby"--shoulda been vinyl. (God, I'm probably vinyl and don't even know it).

I was utterly estranged from my parents for almost eight years (1993-2000). Then, I was drunk off my ass at a resort in Monte Carlo in 2000 and "decided" it was a good time to write a letter to Mother. I worte it over two bottles of fab champagne...gazing out at the Mediterranean. Very weepy and shit. The whole deal.

We had a reunion a few months later, in California. It seemed "healing," but it actually wasn't. Bless her heart--she tried, and I did cartwheels...trying.

I went "home" in 2005--back to Celine Dion Country.

Disastrous.

But, I tried.

Christ My Ever-Luvin' Hippy Lord--when Mother was showing me her enormous doll-baby collection I said (nervously, jokingly): "Whull--this is cool. You finally have a house full of kids who won't talk-back."

She was not amused.

I haven't spoken to her in a year. I'm currently "mustering the Rohirrim" to give her a call. It prolly won't happen.

Shite--I feel as if I should pay you all, like, $150 or something.

Please excuse me--I am going to go and vomit in the most dignified way that I know.

Posted by: Ian "On The Long, Sorry-Ass Road to Enlightenment" Ransom at May 24, 2007 12:42 PM

Okay...someone help my freakin' ass...two Mormon gents just came to my door a minute ago and I actually opened it and talked to them.

(I was sweet, polite, & theologically sturdy in telling them to get lost, but I haven't shaved yet and must've looked like the Devil's Vinyl Hell Bastard Deluxe. Aw hell--when Mormons can make you feel totally underdressed on your own doorstep).

Thank Moroni I took the extra Klonopin last night.

Posted by: Ian at May 24, 2007 1:16 PM

Ian, Cintra and I were having a talk one day after we'd both had a scrape with our maternal units and I came up with this glib bit o' wisdom (and it was probably stolen from the huge amount of text I digest) "You know, our Moms; they love us, they just don't like us." Don't beat yourself up over it. You don't have to call if you don't feel like it, she doesn't seem to be making much of an effort herself. Heck, even Tony Soprano had a breakthrough last week about Moms.

There's nothing wrong with being pleasant to the Mormons, I'm always nice when they show up, polite etc, but firm when they start the spiel. "No thanks boys, have fun on your mission." Now Jehovah's Witlesses, they get squat. Those people are the stupidest thing ever, excepting pre-made, plastic wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

You shoulda invited the Mormons in for a Klonopin, some bouilliabaisse and a swim.

Posted by: steven at May 24, 2007 1:42 PM

I'm seemingly very similar, Steven, where Mormons are concerned.

I don't know why I opened the door this morning--I generally ~don't~ open the door, unless I'm expecting a package, or, say, a subpoena or something. But I was having some orange juice and the bell rang, and I happened to be near the door, so I opened it.

Well, they were older gentlemen and I felt like a total slob. I was in my bedtime tee-shirt and (luckily) shorts. I could only rely on my penchant for frequent showering to know that I (at least) probably smelled appropriate.

The dialogue was thusly (and pretty much verbatim):

MORMON: Hello, sir--Oh, I hope you're having a wonderful morning. We'd like to give you this pamphlet about our upcoming spiritual gathering in San Diego.

ME: Well, gentlemen, I truly appreciate your zeal for your faith, but your Jesus is not the Jesus in whom I believe--no offense intended. I admire your efforts, but have no interest.

MORMON: Well, we can certainly understand the lack of interest. Ya know, lack of interest is something that really afflicts our earth at this point--

ME: Sorry--I'm not saying that I have a lack of interest in spiritual matters, I'm saying that I have no interest in your particular doctrine. But I admire your zeal.

MORMON: Well, this pamphlet will show you how many--

ME: Please, sir, save your pamphlet for someone who is genuinely interested. I'm sure you don't want your pamphlet to be thrown away, which is what I will do if you leave it on my property. But I admire your zeal. (Ahem).

MORMON: I think you have goodness in your heart, sir--thank you for letting us know up-front. We don't want our material thrown in the trash, do we? Oh no. Do you currently attend a church?

ME: That is my business and not yours. I admire your zeal, but I will tell you that I do not agree with the door-to-door selling of ideologies or religious thoughts. If you have a vacuum or a set of encylopedias to sell, it might be different.

MORMON: Whull...as you may know...

ME: I wish you the best of the day, gentlemen. Your zeal is admirable. Good day.

So that was it.

There are so many things wrong with that scenario, that it's truly mind-boggling.

As for Mother...oof...it's been a total wash-out for nearly forty years; I thought I cut my proverbial losses awhile ago, but always end-up cutting them again, in that respect.

LIFE=FUNNY

Posted by: Ian "Never Screwed a Mormon" Ransom at May 24, 2007 2:42 PM

There are more languages spoken in Salt Lake City than any other place on Earth and yet the chowderheads haven't grasped that "I admire your zeal" means "get lost or I'll let my Presa Canario skullfuck you."

Posted by: steven "I admire your zeal" felty at May 24, 2007 3:04 PM

Steven--TOTALLY correct. My ass has been utterly laughed-off.

great comment.

Posted by: i.a.n at May 24, 2007 3:40 PM

VLUNKY the Vinyl baby

Posted by: Brink at May 24, 2007 3:50 PM

Does anyone remember back in high school...I think it was child development class? And only GIRLS were allowed to take it...and thay had to make a baby out of a sack of flour and carry it around the whole time...and if there was any damage to the sack of flour under the clothing, they got an F for the semester...

It was the most ridiculous thing ever. I wonder if now they use vinyl babies instead?

Steven, you wanna go halves on a Real Doll? Kinda lonely out here in Laguna. I don't have a Lamborghini to impress the ladies with...

Posted by: Brink at May 24, 2007 3:55 PM

The flour sack babies are a thing of the past, now they have these creepy dolls that have chips and accelerometers in them so they can tell if you "feed" the baby on time or use it as a football.

Those real doll things are frickin' expensive. What's worse is the ones you see on the web that are being repaired and you think what a great thing it is some psycho can take his aggressions out on a silicone rubber doll instead of some poor hooker.

Posted by: steven at May 24, 2007 4:04 PM

Wait, Cintra...

You immaculately conceived a Black Vinyl baby!?!?

CONGRATS!!!!

Can we make May 23 the new Christmas?

I'm down! especially since I'm voting for you in '08...

It's kinda like the end of Boys on the Side when Drew Barrymore births a mysterious black baby. Symbolic of her lesbian love affair with Whoopi Goldberg's character!!

This is amazing...it's like totally one-upping Brad and Angelina...

I'm very excited....

Posted by: Brinkalina Jolie at May 24, 2007 4:06 PM

I'm scared..

Posted by: Sir Philip at May 24, 2007 5:50 PM

Woe slunky really does work miracles!

Sorry I've been so scarce sugarplums I've debating the friendly White Nationalist over on YouTube , googling various Holocaust deniers and catching up on all of the Right wing German equivalents of the Eggers group. I had no idea that there were was Gen Y group of Holocaust deniers ion Europe, I thought they were all blogging for Deadspin...

With so many thinly veiled extremists and cute animal vids on You Tube sucking away attention from those of us who really want to be famous it's making me want to throw the towel in, move to Tiny Town and pop out my own rainbow of vinyl midget babes who ride Shetland ponies and scream out the lyrics of "Free To Be You and Me."
My lactation dreams would finally be realized....

Posted by: Super Cherry at May 25, 2007 9:50 AM

Dude, we fucking ruined so many girls' lives with those flour sack babies...

Just like kidnapping them and throwing them all over. Instant tears...

I loved it...

We also had this phase in high school where we stabbed one another with pencils and pens...

I have pencil tip graphite embedded in 2 parts of my hand...

One of my friends had to get stitches in his shin, the other right other his eye...

Idle bored masochistic skateboarder minds are the devil's playground...

Posted by: Brink at May 27, 2007 5:04 PM