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Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Unfuckables: Asian Men, Black Women Surprisingly Pissed Over Interracial Dating
In America and if you're a man who enjoys getting head it really helps, statistically, if you're a white guy. You have way more options because something must be magical about white dick considering when it comes to interracial dating for Asian and Latina women, white penis is where it is at.
If you're not white and you want to get ass, being a black guy is the next best thing. Fucking a black guy is still the number one way to piss your parents off if you're a white girl. But statistically the one man in America no one wants a triple X throwdown with is sideshow William Hung, actor John Cho and a multitude of their Asian American male counterparts.
I didn't know anyone could be more pissed about interracial dating than black women, but Asian American men give us sisters a run for our Haterade. While it doesn't bother me much, a lot of black girls treat every stringy haired, flat-assed, orange fake tan Aryan Goddess like Buffy the Negro Slayer.
But color me surprised, the Asian man wants to put a foot in the ass of every white boy coveting their shojo princesses.
A few years back I started reading blogs and internet forums by Asian American men and I learned that they were crying out in silent pain over what is the mantra of both our kind:
No one wants to fuck us.
Now technically, some people want to fuck black women, but usually that becomes "fuck over." But East Asian women date outside their race at a much higher rate than black men or women. As for black women we hardly date outside of their race no matter how high up we go careerwise. To this day black magazines write articles suggesting successful black women to consider "marrying down" by fucking a plumber or a guy who sells mixtapes at the swamp meet. So what if you have an MBA from Harvard? That cat on fries looks like he could get us pregnant before we hit forty.
For the sisters if it ain't black they don't want it. It's Negro or nothing.
Asian men just want the benefit black and white men get. They want to be fucked. They want to be desired. No white or black girls are dreaming about swallowing an Asian man whole. Everyone is a fetish but them. (Well, the gays have an Asian man fetish, but that really doesn't help the rice grinder riders who like pussy.) They want girls to want to give them head too. They want a fucking date. And this shit isn't a joke, this time, it's personal.
You can sell post-feminist Americans on men who can keep their jobs, treat women well just because they're supposed to, and won't run off with some other girl after 2 years leaving you holding the house and kids. (Of course that's a lie too...) And then there's the final option ... Just grab your trusty AK-47 and simply fill every goddamn racist white male SOB full of lead and tell them to keep their !@#$ hands off of Asian women. It's your move.
It's hard to live down the stereotype that Asian guys are controlling, mama boy nerds with limited penis power and suffer from a bad case of "Otaku wuss."
A few Asians commenting on the message boards noticed that black women can't get a date either and suggested the obvious: a black woman/Asian man case of Yellow Dengue Fever. And while this sounds delicious to me, black women are notoriously intimidating. (Re: Negro or nothing!) I know I scare the shit about of men all the time. But I say try anyway. I mean, I've checked out some Korean boys and thought "I'd hit that," so live dangerously, Asian man.
But I realize most won't take the black bait because of the myth of the Negresses being undesirable (we're apparently butch harridans) and how we all must be used to being fucked by monster cocks.
Try as one might, you can't explain to the men of America that the dick thing is overrated and that it's "open season" on at least trying to love up the black girl. But apparently the black man put a "hands off" sign on all of us and for some reason everyone respects it. Which is odd given that the minute they stopped getting hung for it black men started ignoring the hands-off signs on white women.
But my Asian brothers, try not to dwell too much on it. After all you don't want to be forever bitter like black women who are still all sour patches over Tiger Woods, who technically is insulting three ethnicities with his wife, Elin, the ultimate fembot. Tiger dissed black women, Asian women and White American women. Us all filled with impurities, he had to find the WHITEST WHITE WOMAN IN THE WORLD OF WHITE WOMEN, venturing the valley of the Nordic blond in Europe to find his prize. She's so pure if you cut her she'd bleed unicorns and Summer's Eve.
Which would explain why she always looks like a douche to me.
But, oops. I let the bitterness slip. Yeah for black men fucking white women. Whoo-hoo.
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COMMENTS
The Unfuckables is priceless. Thanks for the funny, Black Snob. And thank you Cintra, as usual, for throwing such a fine shindig.
(Pardon me in advance, if you can, for generalization without a license).
The joke used to be that black women and white men should have a summit meeting about sex, since they were the ones most miffed by miscegenation. White men, I assume, wanted to preserve race purity.
But if my celebrity magazines are any guide, it doesn't seem like black women still have the singular desire for black men. I'm also unsure if the age old hands-off sign warning other away from black women still applies.
The hottest black women cross all sorts of lines. From Whoopi Goldberg (Frank Langella) to Serena Williams (Brett Ratner); from Naomi Campbell (many different ethnicities) to, well, you get the (celebrity) picture. For civilians, I can only use anecdotal evidence. I see the most attractive black women being escorted by super hot dudes of all flavors and varieties.
I think you're right about Asian men though. While that guy in Lost is popular as all get out -- perhaps they could use a love boost. Good stuff -- I liked.
Posted by: Hilarious at June 18, 2008 2:12 PM
Speaking as a pearly white-ass, Elin Woods-white, ofay, part-of-the-problem-being, racial barrier-stomping serial dater, in honor of this brilliant screed I hereby pronounce myself 'on the wagon' when it comes to the brothers in order to do my part to annoy black women less.
That said, I have dated a couple of Asian guys, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with them. Uniting Asian men and black women with mutually disenfranchised feelings might be a truly great cultural movement - I think we should start writing a script for "The Fast & The Furious III: Gull Wings Over The Escalades." Perhaps this might set a romantic mood for a pan-ethnic makeout mixer.
Posted by: Cintra "Miscegenation, Ho!" Wilson at June 18, 2008 5:54 PM
Thank you, Hilarious.
In the region of the US I'm from (the Midwest and the South) it's still "Negro or Nothing." You see some black women dating outside their race, but it's a rarity in my hometown of St. Louis and I don't know how many "I will never date a white man" conversations I have had with black women over the years.
I lived in California for five years and people seemed less uptight, but I think that's a coastal phenomenon. We're still wearing the "hand's off" sign in flyover country.
Posted by: The Black Snob at June 18, 2008 6:12 PM
No, No, wait, I didn't read carefully enough....you're right.
Compared to Elin Woods, I am BLACK. And offended.
Posted by: Cintra "Not as White as Elin" Wilson at June 18, 2008 6:14 PM
As you should be, Cintra. American white women just weren't white enough for Tiger. You all have too many random Italians, Russians, Irish, Native Americans and potential secret Negroes running around in you. That's why he had to go the land of the Finns and the Swedes. The natural blonds. Places where they grow 'em tall and as pure as the driven snow.
You're just not a high enough quality white woman. Tiger wanted the 250-count threadsheet of white women.
Posted by: The Black Snob at June 18, 2008 7:51 PM
Sigh. Too true. Elin Woods is the Grey Goose of white women and while I might not be the plastic carry-handle Popov jug of white chicks I am definitely in the mid-shelf, Finlandia-maybe-Stoli-on-a-good-day category, and therefore not the solid platinum blonde standard that a basquillionaire like Tiger would demand in vodka, furniture, and cooz.
Posted by: Cintra "Mid-Level Blonde" Wilson at June 18, 2008 8:52 PM
Elin is Grey Goose while Cintra is Finlandia on a good day? Yikes.
According to Slate, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms defines vodka as a neutral spirit "without distinctive character, aroma, taste or color." Might I suggest that, if you were a beverage, Cintra, you would not be a vodka of any sort, but that you would reside on the top shelf anywhere in this time space continuum.
I was wondering what you folks make of Ms. Obama's latest television appearances.
The day after I suggested in these comments that Michelle begin the final transformation from civilian to presidential, it seems that that is exactly what her team is doing. From her most recent appearance on The View with its clever daps and the obviously pre-written joke from Baba Wawa about terrorist taps; to the muzzling of Horrendous Hasselbeck on the same show -- it seems like Ms. Oh has undergone an executive style makeover -- with all the media savvy, ease of affect and textual control that implies.
Given the challenge she faces in November, I was concerned that she'd follow Andre Leon Talley and end up dressed in some horrendous De La Renta bolero jacket denying Fox's attempts to portray her as the grievance harridan instead of "controlling the mic like Fidel Castro," so to speak (thank you Jeru the Damaja). I just wondered what you all thought.
Posted by: Hilarious. Not Foolhardy at June 18, 2008 9:32 PM
Great rant, Black Snob!
As one who has been wearing an Asian male body in America for the past 47 years, this is a subject I'm all too familiar with. I have no problem with white guys dating Asian women, but maybe that's because I have a girlfriend.
Most of my girlfriends have been white; while I could say that's because whites are more numerous, of course that's not the whole story. Consciously or unconsciously, people the world over select their partners on criteria other than how much pleasure they'll experience in the sack. A lot of Asian-American men, for ex., aspire to "honorary white" status. The real proof of having arrived is a white girlfriend. I have no doubt the same motivation drives Asian-American women towards white men.
Yes, such values can really screw your head up. In an ideal world, we would not be using each other as color-coded status objects, but loving each other as individuals. Who knows, maybe Tiger & Elin are true soulmates on a mission to end racism as we know it. :) But looking at mixed-race countries like Brazil, one can still see class division by skin tone & facial features. It just gets more subtle when labels like "black" & "white" no longer apply. It's safe to say that had Obama been born 100% black, as ebony as a native of Senegal, he wouldn't be where he is today.
In my case, there's another crazy-making contrast: had I been born in Japan, my race would not be a liability at all -- instead I would be getting leading-man roles in film & TV. Over there, Asians see themselves as the master race, though they're too polite to say so. They actually look down on whitey. Too fucking ironic!
Posted by: Wayne "Not George Clooney" Mathias at June 20, 2008 10:11 AM
Awwwww. I'll totally fuck John Cho, the reason that the relationship won't last though, is just that the personality won't compliment well enough. I'm Career Minded, and so I need someone who is both sensitive and BOLD. Unfortunately, Asian Male as popularly depicted (and then followed by teenage boys who pay attention to the media), aren't a match for ME. There was this one boy from Mainland who I wanted to have babies with, but I wasn't a match for HIM.
Due to the Cultural Framework (of race AND gender together, which explains the disparity between AF/WM and WW/AM), it just so happens that the bold and sensitive people I tend to be attracted to, are /usually/ either (some) white guys, or (some) black women. Due to the complication of homophobia by society at large, there is a higher chance I'll end up with a white guy.
I don't think being passed over by some type of people means one is unfuckable, it just means that the match isn't right...or time wasn't given to let it happen. It's true that the timid type of Asian guys would be intimidated by the bold type of Black women, but this doesn't mean that it won't be a match well made (unless the guy is actually a sexist pig afraid of women, instead of being harmlessly timid in nature). Watch My Sassy Girl (2001), in which the timid AM was extremely intimated by the BOLD AF, but they end up a perfect match because they balance each other out. Of course, unlike the movie, in IRL, you can't be THAT aggressive with a timid guy, though you still have to be the one who asks and keep asking.
Then there is the issue of Racist Parents. Some HK starlet's mom in the Ming Pao SunMag about a decade ago...actually said that it's okay for her son to date white women but not black ones. Recently, Ming Pao had to address the race issue too, but it is being dealt with. If he's not living with his parents or answer to their beck and call, it shouldn't be a problem what the hell the parents think. If the parents get horrible though, no matter how timid he is, he should still have the decency to defend you. If not, dump him. There are moar straight women than straight men, the market is on our side.
Posted by: Georgia at July 13, 2008 3:56 PM
Black Snob, you rule.
I notice that, whereas in London you see loads of mixed-race couples, in NYC my very white snowflake of a husband never even gets LOOKED at by women of color. Is this an American phenomenon perhaps?
Posted by: Lauren at July 18, 2008 12:46 PM
Lauren, in America we're all still fighting about race while pretending to not be fighting about race. That might explain why women of color assume your husband isn't interested. Usually white guys who are attracted to girls of different ethnicities have to be the initiator. I know I've been attracted to white men in the past, but I wasn't making the first move. Rejection is bad, but rejection because of your race is like getting punched in the gut.
Not pleasant.
Posted by: The Black Snob at July 22, 2008 5:40 PM
CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT