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Monday, July 21, 2008
N-Word: Use At Your Own Risk
Hi. My name is Danielle Belton and I am an official, 100 %, born n' raised American black woman. I popped out of my Mama's womb black. I'm gonna die black. I'm the descendant of slaves and their masters. I say this to let you know that this is the authentic view of one solitary natural born Negro. (Not all, so don't get it twisted.) And this is my message to non-Negroes about a troublesome word so powerful that it makes pretty white girls cry.
So listen close to what I'm about to say.
You can use the "N-word."
Seriously. Use it.
I only say this because Thursday's edition of ABC's The View drove me to a Bloody Mary and a marathon of B-boys breaking it down on MTV because that's my idea of soft-core porn. Very relaxing.
But for those who don't know, last Thursday, conservative, normally perky yakker Elisabeth Hasselbeck was reduced to tears of the N-word.
She hates the N-word, ya'll. She would never use it or any racial epitaph. So she wanted to know why black folks, could fling it around. Co-hosts/comedians Sherri Shepherd and Whoopi Goldberg tried to shut Hasselbeck's shit down with the usual, "I'm black. It doesn't mean the same when I say it to my kinfolk and you can't tell me what I can't say to my own peoples. But you, white girl, can't say it because of the history of white folks just being dicks about it, coming up with this singular word that reduces us to chattle. So we took the word back and now you just can't say it, white folks! We live in different worlds! Nigga, what! What!"
While I agree that the word comes from painful origins, I really think black folks should stop with the you can't say it dogma and white folks should stop acting like there is some rule, some ghetto pass that can be distributed that would absolve them of all historical white privilege and guilt and let them rip into that word like an Arkansan on chicken neckbone.
Fact is, the situation is a lot more complicated than, "I can say it and you can't," because in all reality -- We Negroes can't say it either.
The N-word, nigger, is a racially charged curse word. Like the vagina-laced C-bomb but with an ethnic lineage, the N-word is not cool in all black circles. A lot, and I mean A LOT, of black people hate the N-word and would not use it under any circumstances. They get offended when it is used around them by other black people. They, like me, stopped listening to certain types of hip hop years ago because the "nigga, nigga, nigger" shit got old fast.
It reeked of self-hatred and acting out the pain of our history through the adoption of the words of our captors. Trying to make love out of a mass of fecal matter. In my house the word was banned. My mother didn't use it. She didn't even curse and as far as she was concerned the N-word was a curse word. My dad used it, but only while joking with his younger brother. He knew how my mother felt and even though he came from a place where the N-word was fine among family and friends he didn't use it anywhere else.
The word, even when used as benign slang by other black people has historically been seen as tacky and low class. It was too rude to use out in public, in front of old folks or at work. Like the sexist dig "cunt" there was no appropriate place to fling the term around other than amongst your friends and family.
I don't use the word personally. I have in the past, but in the end I came to the same conclusion as my mom. There wasn't enough soap in the world to make that word clean. I've been called a nigger by a black person and by a white person in my 30 years and it hurt both times. It was shocking both times. It was hateful both times. And it was meant to "put me in my place" both times.
Don't go thinking you're smart or talented because you're still a "nigger."
But that's not why I'm saying white folks should just let the word fly. My beef is that it is ignorant to ban words. Rev. Jesse Jackson proved this after making a big show of leading the NAACP to have a ceremonial burial of the N-word and lambasting rappers for their N-word addiction. Then, in a casual conversation with another Negro, he drops it while talking about black Jesus ... I mean, Barack Obama (sometimes I get them confused). And suddenly he's a hypocrite when in reality he's just another victim of his own faulty logic. You can't ban words. The more forbidden the more people want to say it and that is the only reason why this debate exists.
The truth is the N-word was invented by white people. It was once their proxy, pal and verbal weapon. Maybe deep inside some folks just want it back, want to return to the good ol' days when you could just drop an N-bomb in a black person's face and they couldn't say jiggaboo back.
But I say, don't explain. Don't equivocate. Don't make up bullshit reasons about trying to reclaim the word, black people. Don't say you can say it and they can't. Tell they can say it. Encourage them to. Tell them they can say it as much as they want, but they have to take whatever drama comes with it.
There is no ghetto pass coming. There is no black Pope coming down to let you kiss the ring and receive the blessing to be profane. There is nothing to absolve you if you drop the word in the wrong setting. This is a "use at your own risk" situation. You can say the N-word, but you have to accept the burden of the N-word. You have to be prepared for the criticism, the stares, the denouncing and the controversy. You can't have it all. You can't use it freely because you can't change the past. You can't use it liberally because black people can't even use it freely amongst each other. Hearing a black person say "nigger" may feel slightly different, but it is disrespectful all the same. But I have no right telling you what to say any more than Elisabeth "Pollyanna" Hasselbeck has the right to say that no one should use the N-word.
Yeah, it's hateful. Yeah, it's wrong. But go ahead and say it if you want. It's a free country. Just beware of the free beatdown you may receive for expressing that right.
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COMMENTS
I have nothing useful to add. This brilliantly says it all.
Posted by: Sarah at July 21, 2008 7:51 PM
Very, very, very, very nice post!
Posted by: Lalita at July 22, 2008 2:59 PM
What an excellent read - Nicely done!
Posted by: Michelle at July 22, 2008 3:22 PM
Aww! Thanks. I'm glad everyone is enjoying it. I just get sick of people acting like the "n-word" is 100 percent cool in my community and it is not. It's still pretty controversial and as long as it is sooo toxic that a white person can't use it at all without a black person taking offense is proof of its universal toxicity. I find the whole debate silly.
Posted by: The Black Snob at July 22, 2008 5:35 PM
Excellent post. I just posted a couple days ago about the word with a video from mjul from YouTube that kind of breaks down through images why the word is so offensive to many people.
Posted by: a.eye at July 23, 2008 11:32 AM
Why are we worrying about what black folks call each other in the privacy of our own culture when we are 70-80% of the prison population? Sounds like a distraction to me- address it later if you MUST, but we have more important things to fix. Planned Parenthood? Look up the founder. Lopsided marketing of more harmful versions of harmful products? Find menthol smokes and a 40 of Old English in a non-black neighborhood. Sean *fucking* Bell, anyone? I have not the time to list all of the issues more deserving of discussion than this nigger foolishness. That said, I applaud this post.
Posted by: Fly South at July 23, 2008 2:41 PM
I agree with you that it's doubtful that most black parents are telling their children it's okay to use the word and white parents are telling their children it's not. Probably what is being taught in black households is similar to what you were taught. That it is ignorant and tacky for anyone to use the word as a "term of endearment" after it was used so vehemently for so long. And your right about another thing...if black people can't help but get offended by a white person saying it then it's probably an offensive word...period.
Posted by: Jes at July 23, 2008 5:23 PM
i personally thought the post was kinda boring. all that was really said was "use at your own risk". as far as i knew, that was already the rule. any white people know what may happen if they say N around blacks. this post didnt shed any light, or offer a fresh perspective on the issue. straight mediocre.
Posted by: grizzay at July 24, 2008 10:09 AM
Glad Cintra has you aboard, Danielle. Really like what I've been reading you. Nothing I could possibly add other than: somebody should forward this post to Patti Smith.
Posted by: MP at July 24, 2008 11:29 PM
Thanks, MP. I'm glad to be here. I love Cintra's work. She's the total shizzz-nit.
Posted by: The Black Snob at July 25, 2008 1:54 AM
i like it.
when i think of it succinctly, censoring the word, "nigger" is the same as censoring any word. and when you censor ANYthing, you give it power.
there is nothing inherent about he sounds F UH KKKK that makes the word disgusting. it is the meaning that we give it, and interpret, and (many of us) try to vainly avoid, as if that were enough to get "us" into "heaven."
as you said...even when it's said with love, its usually said with some semblance of the, "you're put in yer place," idea. Even people who say it out of, "love," are still nicknaming their friends. Not that I mind nicknames...
i like them.
Posted by: johan at July 25, 2008 6:19 AM
and grizzay is a total dizznick. surrously.
Posted by: johan at July 25, 2008 6:21 AM
I agree, Johan. Banning words is pointless. Even before I was a journalist I was pro-speech to the nth degree. Even speech I didn't agree with. So word banning, book banning, music banning -- just dumb. Ban a book and you've just made that book the most popular and sought after book ever.
I personally just accept the N-word's existence and ask that people try to keep it to a minimum to not-at-all around me. Although most black people can tell who it's appropriate to use the word around and who's not. I've had friends who used the term all the time, but didn't use it around me and I didn't even tell them not to. It's simply a matter of manners.
I just wish people (including my people) would take away its magic and power by not going through these ornate "I can use it/You can't use it" exercises with white people. It's really a "no one should use this in polite company" word. But I can't tell you how many N's you want to drop at home. Go crazy. Just don't do it around me.
If people could just be ... dare I say it ... more nonplussed about it. Like acknowledge that it's a offensive word, but decide I'm not going to let it hurt me any more and have that power. I'm not going to give racists the reaction they want. There are other ways to express your displeasure without yelling in poetic parameter with Michael Eric Dyson, delighting bigots that they can still get our goat.
Posted by: The Black Snob at July 25, 2008 1:38 PM
I agree with the concept of free speech. I'm just not so sure I'm cool with joking about Obama as black Jesus. Frankly, I bet he thinks more about ensuring that he and his family survive this adventure than he does about his similarities to Jesus. And if other people think he's divine, can you blame them?
They realize that this is America. We go out of our way to make absolutely sure that as few black men reach 21, much less graduate from Punahou, go on to Columbia and then Harvard.. It's like you have Stockholm Syndrome -- don't you remember where you live? Have you checked black male actuarial stats lately? The numbers are kind of grim yo. That's why folks lose it over Tiger and Obama. They do it because these cats are rare -- they're rare, in part, because of racism.
I mean, we tend to kill folks here -- someone saw fit to blast Malcolm, Martin, Medger and Robert right out of existence. Someone even took a shot at Ronald Reagan. Then along comes Barry -- who's already pissed off the Clintons and Jesse - so let's just see how it plays out before assuming it's all good.
I get it, you know, black jesus, hahaha, I suppose it's even kind of funny. Who knows, Hillary might have been the better choice - more experience and all that. But sometimes, I swear, sometimes -- being American is like taking your kids to a party and just praying that, just this once, they can manage to act right, just this one time.
Posted by: Broheim at July 25, 2008 9:13 PM
Broheim: As an Obama supporter (which I am), I enjoy making fun of the Messiah complex some of the more fervent supporters have. I more so see him as a man embarking on a difficult and historical political path.
I understand the reaction people have towards him and why. (Especially amongst black people. I've been especially touched from time-to-time.) It can be very intoxicating. But I feel people should keep their feet somewhat planted on the ground. You don't have to be caught up in the rapture to enjoy the moment, but you should also remember that he is a human being, prone to human failings and has his own issues just like everyone else.
I guess I just want people to enjoy the greatness, but appreciate the humanity, otherwise they will have set the bar so impossibly high in their heads that there will be no where to go but down.
And often, that is how these things go. You're built up, then people work to dismantle you, piece-by-piece. Popularity breeds contempt.
Posted by: The Black Snob at July 26, 2008 2:56 AM
In the 80's, I thought I was being hip and dangerous throwing around words like these. All I did was make an ass of myself. Sure, using these words takes away their power - and sure, not using them makes us lose a bit of our history - but in this cultural debate we loose sight of what really matters. Treating people fairly, kindly, and righteously is more important than words. It's about knowing your neighbours, it's about jobs where you live, it's about stewardship of the planet, it's about valuing all human life. If you feel ok if I throw around a few n-bombs - whatever. I'm more worried about the content of your heart than the color of your skin. We all know who said that first. Walk the walk and all that talk will be just that - talk.
Posted by: GreenLlama97 at July 26, 2008 3:42 PM
This was a very well worded post. There are parts of the discussion I agree with and parts that I don't. It's not a word I could ever say and also not a word I could ever be comfortable with hearing. I mean, if I'm listening to Blessed Union of Souls and singing along I will sing it, but that is pretty much it. Then again I sort of look at it like the word Faggot. I'll say fag sometimes to my friends, but when a straight person says it, it does feel wrong to me. I don't know...just some thoughts.
Your post really gave me something else to think about though.
Posted by: SparklieSunShine at July 27, 2008 1:06 PM
How articulate of you. tee hee. I agree 100% with what you said and really enjoyed reading your article. You rock!
Posted by: Dan M at July 28, 2008 12:21 PM
I also have nothing to add. Except that it's a shame that we have a culture where foul rude abusive language of all kinds is heard everywhere.
I particularly like this piece in light of the Arkansas license plate revocation. Which might have been what the View conversation was about, the clip's gone.
The only way to deal with something ugly is to deal with it. Pretending it doesn't exist just makes it worse. And it makes some European Americans think Black people are weak and over sensitive, that they faint dead away over one magic word. I mean, we manage to bear a racial slur at every other freeway exit.
Hope you don't mind, but I've
linked to you. And I'm plowing through TBS and SCAN, too.
Thank you!
Posted by: staghounds at July 30, 2008 7:07 AM
I really enjoyed this post. It was intelligent and personal and spoke from the heart. I'm wondering what you and your readers think about Chris Rock's "Black People vs. Niggahz" routine. (This may not be the exact title, but it's on YouTube, or at least part of it is, and it is an amazing performance.) I thought it was brilliant, even though I agree with The Black Snob about conversational, non-performance use of the word. (It surprises me that CR is also of the you-can't-say-it-but-when-we-do-it's-a-good-thing school of thought. If it can be called that. (See his interview on "Inside the Actor's STudio."
Posted by: eebs at August 11, 2008 10:15 PM
this is beautiful put together. excellent job.
Posted by: buppie chick at August 29, 2008 10:29 PM
I made a wee Palin parody and you may view it @
http://www.amiright.com/photoshops/p/the-paladins-power-shake-live-1220638620.shtml
Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor
Posted by: Tor Hershman at September 17, 2008 1:43 PM
Well said!
Posted by: Ms. R at October 15, 2008 9:06 AM
Well said!
Posted by: Ms. R at October 15, 2008 9:19 AM
Well said!
Posted by: Ms. R at October 15, 2008 9:20 AM
I couldn't have said it better. Why do you have a white lady at the top of your page though? It's cute but does she has to be sooooo pale and soooooo blonde? Just asking :)
Posted by: Anya Diggs at November 11, 2008 12:31 AM
what a wonderful and encitful post. I agree with it all, even if I have no reason to. Its like any other word that has vulgar meanings, you call someone a "bitch" or you shout "hey fuck you" that drama is gonna be just as hard as if you let that N word fly. They are vulgar words for a reason, because they make that drama.
I'm half navajo, but my skin is pale enough that people don't notice, so perhaps I am as privledged as any white person is. But I thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject.
Just by not saying a racist slur doesn't mean your not racist. Its silly to think so. But it appears to be a common thought. Its a bigger issue than a word with baggage.
Peace.
-phact
Posted by: phact0rri at December 5, 2008 9:25 AM
CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT