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DREGUBLOG CATEGORY ARCHIVE: Egg-Hurling

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

posted by Cintra Wilson at 4:42 AM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

That there on your right is the last Dregulator of the year.

I hope we can all laugh about the Great American Sliming of '07 someday, and not just because we all bought the new Wii version of GOP Ultimate Smackdown.

In any case, it finally feels like Good is trying to snap out of its Zoloft stupor and figure out how to triumph over Evil again. Mary Baker Eddy was probably right: Evil has to go down. In the end, it always reveals itself as so fearfully square that nobody with any style wants to be seen with it.

Happy New Year, Fiends, and Alafia and ASH-X for All.

MAD LOVE TO ALL COMRADES

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Saturday, November 17, 2007

MARK MORFORD COLUMN: BUSH DEATH WATCH COUNTDOWN!

posted by Cintra Wilson at 1:05 AM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

Mark Morford, excellent columnist from SF Gate, wrote this excellent column, informing those of us scarred and demented by loathing of this infernal administration how we can best prepare ourselves for the glorious expunging of it.

Sock it to 'em, Morford. I'll be hurling my clogs with you and the rest of the citoyens sans culottes.

It's just that kind of feeling, that sense of hesitant, embryonic optimism, the sense that says, oh my God, we as a culture and a smash-mouthed, war-hammered society really are fast approaching something possibly, potentially, heart-achingly new and different and -- because it cannot get any worse -- just a little bit better.
Here is my suggestion: Mark your calendars, set your watch, program a celebratory ringtone well in advance, because the countdown has officially begun.
It is now less than one calendar year until the next presidential election. It is less than one year until the country finally takes a deep breath and flexes its atrophied muscles and opens its bloody, Cheney-punched mouth and lets it be known to the world, to the universe, to its own numb and dejected soul just exactly how unwell it has felt, how much pain has raked its heart, lo, these past seven (eight, by then) years, by ushering in an entirely new political era, as we all exhale a massive sigh of long overdue relief that -- praise Jesus, Allah, Buddha and the devil all at once -- the long national nightmare of George W. Bush is finally over.
It is now safe to imagine. It is now becoming increasingly easy to actually dare to think that, in less than one year's time, Dubya will begin packing his bags, jamming into his Spongebob duffel his map of the world coloring book, English-to-English translation dictionaries, mangled pocket edition of the U.S. Constitution, Bibleman action figure set and a "Mission Accomplished!" sweatshirt, and heading off to face his destiny as one of the bleakest, most morally repellent chapters in all of American history.
You think maybe it's too soon? Too early to let the tingle of positivism and hope take hold? Far from it. After all, the signs of decay and utter GOP desperation keep pouring in. For example, it has now been officially recorded in history what everyone already knows: Bush is nearly exactly as unpopular as Richard Nixon was at his lowest point, and no president in history has had as long a streak at the bottom of the job-approval rankings as Dubya. Heckuva job, Bushie!
What's more, the glorious collapse of the evangelical Christian right marches on apace, as Pat Robertson, now a dejected, lonely widower after the death of secret boy-toy husband Jerry Falwell, has officially endorsed pro-choice, pro-gay, thrice-married, massively unbalanced moral pit bull Rudy Giuliani for president, which is a bit like a militant vegan endorsing Hot Dog on a Stick for the title of Lord of the Food Court. Desperate times indeed.
But wait, it gets better. While it's easy to focus on Shrub and Cheney and to gleefully, achingly imagine their dreary march out of office on that happy day, it is also vital and heartwarming to note that this time next year will also mark the demise of an entire army of toxic leaders, federal department heads, gay-bashing appointees and misogynist directors of every stripe and scandal and spittle, a simply huge array of right-wing Bushies who are still entrenched in all manner of powerful federal bureaus and organizations and policy-making bodies.
It's true. Despite how a huge hunk of hideous GOP policymakers lost their seats during the last congressional election, plenty more appointees are still around to poison the well. From Kevin Martin, the lackey who oversees the FCC, to noxious Idahoan and rabid anti-environmentalist Dick Kempthorne of the Department of the Interior, to anti-choice Republican Mormon knucklehead charity scammer and Department of Health and Human Services overseer Mike Leavitt, and on and on -- in a year, all on their way out.
Oh, and one more deserves special attention. Because one year from now will also be the glorious political end of one Dr. David W. Hager, the rabid evangelical Christian gynecologist (I know, so wrong) who currently advises the FDA on women's health issues and who was largely responsible for delaying the approval of Plan B, opposed RU-486, is in fact against all contraception, stem-cell research, premarital sex, and (quite naturally) women's choice, and whose own ex-wife claims he anally raped her, over and over again, in her sleep.
Intelligent women nationwide still shudder that this man is allowed anywhere near a living vagina, much less permitted to touch and probe and offer advice. But there is one noteworthy aspect to Hager; he is the perfect incarnation of the Christian right's view of women as subordinate, lesser-intelligent sluts who cannot control their own bodies and therefore need men, God, and the government to do it for them. Hager is a deep shame to the male gender, and his return to the private practice of ruining the sex lives of unfortunate women in Kentucky cannot come soon enough.
But why write this column now, so far in advance of Bush's limp-tailed departure? Simple enough: Because it will take a full year to get ready.
It will take every month and every week and every single day from the moment you read this until November 2008 to compile, to gather, to list all the names and all the horrors and all the deeply entrenched policies that are still clawing at the face of America as a result of Bush's reign, to fully get your mind around just how deep is the disease and how widely it has spread, so we may begin to excise the policies one by one like the malignant tumors they so very much are.
What, too strong? Not even close. Go read up on Hager, and get back to me.
Ah, but perhaps you are one of the jaded ones, the non-believers, that certain type of political bitterball who says, oh please, what does it matter, they're all criminals and cretins and powermongers anyway, no matter which party or president they work for? Get rid of BushCo and a new slew of cronies and cretins take their place, and who can tell the difference?
To which I say, well, yes. But also, no. Sure, the system is corrupt and lopsided and full of backstabbing and backslapping and backroom deal-making. So what? Has been since the first cavemen voted to see who gets to run the mammoth hunt.
Truth is, it's just far too easy to let the ennui wash over and not give a damn, to lump all politics into a phlegmball of nasty negativity and be done with it, thus entirely disregarding the efficacious issues, the things that truly effect change and affect lives and improve or degrade the health of the planet. Outrage fatigue is simply unacceptable. Intellectual apathy is the refuge of the lazy and the spiritually malnourished. Do not let it happen to you.
Now is the time. The coming year will slide by rather quickly and the feeling of urgent change and upheaval will only build and it doesn't really matter if it's Hillary or Obama or Edwards leading the shift, because no matter who gets the nod, they will require -- from me, from you, from anyone who professes to care -- a roiling tidal wave of progressive momentum behind them to help them cleanse and haul away the overwhelming mountain of moral fecal matter Bush has left behind.
Mark your calendar. Set your ringtone. Take a deep breath, feel the wave build, and then dive the hell in. Right now, it's the only option that really matters.

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COMMENTS

I'm really looking forward to Bush going back to Crawford, but it's not going to mean much in the long run is it? Every administration leaves it's moles and partisans entrenched in the bureaucracy like so many dingleberries in DC's asscrack.

If we want this change that politicians insist we want every time an election rears it's ugly head, the first step should be exiling the President and his Cabinet or failing that, on the death of the President all of his aides and political appointees should be sealed in his tomb to serve him/her in the afterlife.

And really folks, we're a young country we've never had the opportunity to get together and have a good old-fashioned Aristocracy Cleansing. Forget the fireworks on July 4 and After X-mas Sales (not to mention baseball,hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet), let's come together in friendship and camaraderie and drag everyone who claims their families came over on the Mayflower, treated their slaves like their own children and have a bed that George Washington slept on in the guest room out of their Colonial reproduction homes and string them up like pinatas. Skull & Bones member? That's a drawing and quartering!

Seriously though, has a single candidate mentioned restoring the Constitution to pre- Bush condition, purging the bureaucracy of Bible School lawyers and dismantling the DHS? Nope. No one running is fit for the office. In fact, they'll pile on more crap that increases the power of the Executive Branch until Chelsea Clinton marries George P. Bush (muy caliente!) and their spawn claim the throne of The Empire of The Americas.

Posted by: steven steven at November 17, 2007 10:24 AM

You know, I freely admit I don't get it.

My friends in high places in DC insist -- as did the panel on McNeill/Lehrer last night, which included a guy who'd just come back from his tour of duty -- that we really can't pull out of Iraq, or Syria and Iran will whomp on it, and then we'd end up going back, ultimately. The general consensus is that we need to send MORE troops in there in order to stabilize the area and get it somewhat out of chaos. That seems bonkers, too, but there doesn't seem to be any graceful option whatsoever.

I guess I just like seeing the words "Bush" and "Death Watch" in a sentence together.

I can't believe that Congress doesn't even get to have a Thanksgiving recess. They have to stick around and watch the President's every move because he's so deeply ethically retarded he's like a violent autistic child who needs to be babysat by hyper-vigilant adults 24/7 or he's going to start screaming, shitting his pants, destroying property and hitting people, again.

Morford's article did give me the unbelievable feeling, though, of remembering what it was like not to feel sick with personal revulsion and hatred for our nauseatingly vile government leaders,
and what it might be like to not to feel abject shame over being an American again. We've come to represent nothing, internationally, but soul-sucking greed, aggression, deceit, bigotry, puritanical zealotry, intolerance, morbid narcissism and belligerent ignorance. In short, we are being regarded as the image and likeness of our Commander in Chief.

One has to believe we can do a lot better. Anyway, it's nice to have hope.

Posted by: Cintra "Back Seat Boeing-Boeing" Wilson Cintra "Back Seat Boeing-Boeing" Wilson at November 17, 2007 5:32 PM

I remember the street party that broke out in my neighborhood when Bush Primero was drubbed out of office. Twelve long years of Reagan/Bush evaporated and we were all feeling so fucking optimistic.

Papa Bush had contained Iraq, the Russians were playing nice and it looked like Universal Healthcare was going to happen. I'm just glad the optimism lasted a bit longer than the hangover from the street party.

My worry is pretty much what you described, that Bush is running out the clock on Iraq and that the next President is going to hamstrung by it from Day One. Not only can they NOT withdraw the troops like they want , but they may actually have to start Cheney's dream war with Iran just to keep them from overrunning Iraq, sprinting across Jordan and Syria (with token resistance) and igniting a lovely conflict with our umm, friends in Israel.

It really is a win-win situation in the Bush Camp, they've mortally wounded people's faith in the Government, wiped their asses on The Constitution and set up the next administration as the hosts of Armageddeon Live! The money they've made on this war is just the icing on the cake.

So yeah, hope is in the air, but I'm almost twenty years older since that giddy street party and a little more cynical to boot. I'll just sit quietly at the next one and try not to spoil everyone else's good time.

Posted by: steven steven at November 17, 2007 7:55 PM

Of all the post Iraq scenarios I like these Let’s Make a Deal and Splitsville best. A pullout means a return to Crazy Town in the short and medium term. CW, I think your high-level pals are spot on about that. If we go with Let’s Make a Deal, we have to work with the United Nations (not likely with Dubya) and talk to all the other “dudes” (Europe, Russia and China). hornily staring at Iraq’s rack – the oil, while they pleasure themselves with fuel consumption. We’d have to ease up on the provision of arms to various factions action and think about a smart withdrawal, not a total pullout. And this scenario might still morph into the fluster cluck Ms. W’s high-level pals predict.

If we go with Splitsville – what some folks call partition – Iraq would divide into something like American states. It would become a bunch of ‘stans named Kurdi, Shia and Sunnni. Of course there would be plenty o’ wrassling over oil dollars. To make this one go – we keep arming our Kurds, Sunnis and Shias so they can each control their chunk. This scenario means moving millions of Iraquis – it would suck to be them. Thing is – it sucks to be them now.

But really? Iraq is another bad limey idea – invented with a stroke of a pen just like Pakistan and Guyana. It can’t be only up to (the) US to fix this – Dubya’s past deeds notwithstanding. Whomever we elect next will hopefully figure out that all of the aforementioned “dudes” (Europe et al), should have to pony up major aid to Iraq for years to come. Anyway you look at it – we’re going to be paying for George Deux’s presidential ambitions for years to come. And with that, Captain Didactic climbed into the Monotocraft and flew back to his Fortress of Over-Explanation. Thank you and good night.

Posted by: Bob "Pulling Out Won't Work" Mundial Bob "Pulling Out Won't Work" Mundial at November 17, 2007 8:08 PM

Bob, you're a lousy son-of-a-bitch, but your comments are nothing if not helpful, insightful, educational, and nicely written.

Keep those didactic cards and letters coming -- it's a good thing I'm getting an education somewhere besides all those filthy periodicals I read.

And I'm not just talking about The Economist. Anyway, I only read that for the comics.

Posted by: Cintra "In A Dinner Jacket" Wilson Cintra "In A Dinner Jacket" Wilson at November 17, 2007 9:12 PM

I read The Economist for the recipes and escort ads, not to mention if you're reading a copy on an airplane your seat-mate will avoid conversing with you since it's the International Sign of The Well Informed, Verbose Crank. The Economist, protecting you from pictures of grandchildren and idle conversation since 1843.

Posted by: steven steven at November 17, 2007 10:25 PM

Hope springs eternal – so here is my hopeful Iraq scenario. Once a status quo changes, the strategic reality usually changes as well. So even though Bushie, as Steven rightly pointed out, has put the fix in for the Military Keynesianism policy flowing through to the next administration – let’s assume for a second that Barack O. gets the nod as next president. Might not his name and provenance be a kind of differentiator as far as our enemies “over there” are concerned? I don’t think that everything will be fixed just because we elect as president a Negro with an Arabic sounding name. (Um, in my family we use that word to describe ourselves – please pardon me if I’ve shocked anyone’s sensibilities. I mean no offense.) But homeboy is well read and has probably said the words As Salaam Alaikum to a family member at least once (as I have, to my cousin Hamsa – every black family has at least one). Maybe our brothers and sisters on the other side might be moved to some kind of leniency? On such flimsy pegs do I pin my hope. Ms. W, I thank you for the shout out – and for the sting with which it was dealt. I love your realness. I also thank you for the word is bond from the Gin and Juice post a few days ago. When I think of you doing the touch your heart, peace sign, lips to finger salute I always smile. That has never been anything but totally worldwide, Bobby.

Posted by: Bob "Cintra Ain't No Joke" Mundial Bob "Cintra Ain't No Joke" Mundial at November 17, 2007 11:35 PM

Pssst citoyen, what are you wearing? I just took off my culottes.

Posted by: steven steven at November 19, 2007 5:28 PM

Except for Cintra's former Examiner column, Morford is the best reason to log into sfgate.com from my "new" home in the Valley (as in "fer sure, totally"). All of the morons who put BushCo in office (both times) are going to get the royal reaming they deserve — major recession, gas at $5/gallon or worse, China holding enough US debt to keep us in a mortal deathgrip, Social Security bankrupt, etc. — which will also imperil those of us who have always held Bush in the same regard as oozing chancres. Given the proportions of the disaster that awaits, "I told you so", will provide little comfort.

Posted by: Christine "Trannie from Frisco" Beatty Christine "Trannie from Frisco" Beatty at November 24, 2007 2:15 AM

CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT

Friday, November 16, 2007

DAMON? REALLY? I MEAN....REALLY?

posted by Cintra Wilson at 2:17 PM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

Not while Benicio has an ounce of horrible life left in his body, thank you very much. Or, hell, Johnny Depp, even with the added handicap of his parasitic grandfather, Keith Richards.

Is That All There Is?

Call it a Bourne Conspiracy theory, but i say it just goes to show you that the "Sexiest Man Alive Competition" is just yet another bureaucracy that is completely owned and operated by white men. Namely, the cast of "Ocean's 13."

I say those boys have bought that award as their personal ego-jacuzzi.

Matt Good-Will-Mother-Huffing Damon. Please. The Osmond family called, and they want all 4,578 of their children's teeth back.

In the meantime, I'm going to get the butter and watch Diddy's "Unforgivable" ad on YouTube another 17 times.

Now, Diddy is a man who knows his way around stretch-lace. Damon would probably just use it to strain vegetable juice, and then complain that the rosettes let in too much pulp.

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COMMENTS

Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures! -- Anthony B.

But now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee--
That will not state-- its sting. -- Emily D.

Posted by: Bob "Last Tango References Rock" Mundial Bob "Last Tango References Rock" Mundial at November 16, 2007 4:39 PM

Definitely not the sexiest man alive, at least not as long as orange haired man-tailored images of Annie Lennox persist.

Posted by: steven steven at November 16, 2007 9:36 PM

Matt Damon just flat out sucks... He ruined Saving Private Ryan by actually being Private Ryan. What a fuckin douche. He's so not hot.

Posted by: Brink Brink at November 17, 2007 4:57 AM

You guys are all sexier than Matt Damon. I can't wait to feature you all in the 2008 "Men of the Dregublog" calendar.

$$$$$$$$$$.

I hope Chalmers Johnson is willing to pose naked with an albino python.

Posted by: Cintra"Saving Private Dancer" Wilson Cintra"Saving Private Dancer" Wilson at November 17, 2007 8:31 AM

What about a DVD of the Girls of Left-Wing Moral Relativism?

Ka-Ching!!!!!

Posted by: steven steven at November 17, 2007 10:03 AM

CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Preventative Reading

posted by Steven Felty at 10:28 AM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

My apologies to TotalFarker joshik72 for lifting his work, but it's so perfect. It needs to be plastered on every library wall to warn teenagers who are checking out Ayn Rand for the first time.

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COMMENTS

You know, I have 2 copies of The Giving Tree. One that my mom gave me, probably 25 or so years ago...maybe a little longer, and one that a friend gave to me for Christmas last year...

In between receiving the two, I've most definitely had my objectivist phases..

Posted by: Brink Brink at June 24, 2007 5:07 PM

I had a totally forehead slapping moment after I posted this. You know that Mortgage Company you see online everywhere, Lending Tree? I never made the connection until now.

Posted by: steven steven at June 24, 2007 7:23 PM

You know, my best friend maintains that Shel Silverstein made gross advances at her when she was significantly underage. Those were the houseboats in the seventies, my friends. Even the children's book writers were mad louche and full of weed. It was a dirtier time, with more freedom and a lot more rattan furniture.

Posted by: Cintra "Where the Sidewalk Ends Up With Somebody Getting Their Eye Out" Wilson Cintra "Where the Sidewalk Ends Up With Somebody Getting Their Eye Out" Wilson at June 26, 2007 12:58 PM

Cintra, If she says so, I can't doubt it. That whole area was seething with pedos and worse. And really, the whole county had pretty much given up it's moral authority regarding the relationship of adults and kids. We are both aware of a certain teacher that conducted affairs with students and the same teacher once told me in all seriousness that they "probably should stop doing coke (with me) at school."

It's not like parents didn't know what was going on back then, they just chose to ignore it. I can't tell you how many parents I did drugs with simply because I did so much with them that the memories are hazy.

Good times.

Posted by: steven steven at June 26, 2007 1:55 PM

The dude who lives above me. HIs name is SHEL. And he's a total fucking douche.

He wears the same hawaiian shirt every day. He has two beater cars that he never uses and they hog up all the parking and he knocks on my door and tells me my music bothers him because the ceilings/floors have poor insulation.

Prick...

Posted by: Brink Brink at June 27, 2007 3:12 AM

"preventive" please.

One of my mother-in-laws friends gave our daughter a children's book on manners "edited" by Karen Santorum that was pretty heavy on the Shel Silverstein, which I thought was nice because Silverstein also wrote some impossibly bawdy stuff and showed up at least a few times in Playboy.

And the book is being ... recycled.

Posted by: philip philip at June 28, 2007 3:16 PM

Malheureusement, all blogspot linkages (especially blatant ones) such as objectivist tree are sehr verboten, outa bounds, Classified Information Actually (CIA) from here within the Middle Country (zhong guo中国).

Maybe they are outa-(web)sights, or &ndash shall we say? – outasites!

Some people did a good number, right?

Maybe it is the cow who laughs!

Posted by: chairman dao chairman dao at June 29, 2007 8:20 PM

preventative is just fine too, philip.

and what's wrong with children's book authors writing outside of that genre? as long as the bookstore isn't idiotic i see no issue there..

Posted by: cmj cmj at July 4, 2007 4:42 AM

CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Vacation Pictures

posted by Steven Felty at 8:41 AM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

Dear Leader was recently in Rome, which in February of 2003 was the site of the largest anti-war demonstration ever recorded. Depending on the route Bush took through Rome to meet with the Pope, I imagine he passed by several examples of this common Roman graffiti, a charming relic of the run up to Bush's failed War in Iraq.

Too late, but thanks for trying!

Or this, my personal favorite. I tend to overlook the sloppy work on this one, because who has time to tag when you're in a mass of three million protesters?

Not even with Condoleeza's Dick!

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COMMENTS

You know, I got to thinking, one downside to this whole thing about Bush being gone soon... the Ministry records are gonna suck. That is, unless another Republican douche takes over. But traditionally, Ministry is at their best and most pissed off when there's a Bush in office. Sadly some of their worst albums happened during the Clinton era.

A pissed off Ministry is a good Ministry...

This is pretty much what I listen to while skateboarding. It's like a caffeine mainline...

Here's a few examples, complete with George W. soundbytes.

Enjoy. Try not to bash your head into the walls too hard.

http://www.robbrink.com/wp-content/Rio-Grande-Blood.mov

http://www.robbrink.com/wp-content/No-W.mov

Posted by: Brink Brink at June 11, 2007 2:07 AM

PS...

Those links won't work unless you copy/paste them into your browser I think.

Sorry...

Posted by: Brink Brink at June 11, 2007 2:40 AM

Then by all means, let's elect the absolute worst psychopath we can find so Al Jourgensen can be properly inspired.

Posted by: steven steven at June 11, 2007 9:19 AM

Cool.
When i was in London for my first trip about ten years ago I saw tons of pro Peru Communist graffiti all over the city that was very similar to this stuff
When i came home and was at my local IWW meeting afellow Wobbly saw my photos and then asked:
"Did you see any Anarchist graffiti?"

Nice to know that the right is as finally splintered as the Left is a decade later...

Posted by: Super Amanda Super Amanda at June 11, 2007 12:53 PM

Ya dude, I totally need some good hyper shit to skate to, ya know?

Posted by: Al Brinkenson Al Brinkenson at June 11, 2007 3:48 PM

Amanda, how many people are at a typical IWW meeting? Wikipedia makes dues-paying members sound as scarce as unicorns.

Posted by: steven steven at June 11, 2007 6:04 PM

I guess that makes me a svelte Narwhale in a bikini because we exist. Granted I've been inactive for a long time but you join and pay whatyou can monthly and you get a membership booklet which is virtually identical to the ones they gave out in the Big Bill Haywoood days.
Typical role call at the Berkeley chapter circa 1998 was about 7 to 12 Anarpeeps. People's Weekly World BBQ/Yard sale usually runs 20-40.

Posted by: Super Amanda Super Amanda at June 12, 2007 2:21 AM

Bushy is clearly adept at thwarting Albanian Watch-Thieves. The European Tour is a smash hit.

What Superb sleight-of-hand!

What impressive legerdemain!

If only they'd ripped his shirt off in the Albanian melee/orgy, exposing those cornfed, whiskey-wired presidential pecs.

Alas.

(Eh, anyhow, big shout-out to the general Wilsonian Circle-Jerkies. I'll be on vacation until this coming Monday, whence I shall return with more Nietzche-ian existentiallyish angst than even *I* thought possible. Carry on, Morning Glories!)

Posted by: Ian Ransom "Freakish Juju Is Our Business" Department Stores Ian Ransom "Freakish Juju Is Our Business" Department Stores at June 13, 2007 8:28 AM

French Open must be over, Ian has surfaced.

Posted by: steven steven at June 13, 2007 11:39 AM

Regarding the watch stealing in Albania and Ian's wish for the crowd to strip W of his shirt:

1) ew

2) protracted daydream where W is renamed Sebastian and he's on the Spanish Riviera with his cousin Catherine Holly.

Posted by: steven steven at June 13, 2007 11:46 AM

Jesus Christ. You could cut the pedantry in some of these posts with a knife. And the fact someone is a having a free-market yard sale to raise money for a communist organization is goddamn PRICELESS. Look up "irony" in the dictionary. While you're at it, look up "retard."

Steven,

"Fuck Bush." How original. How thoughtful. So succinct! What intellect!

Must have been a slow week, huh?

Posted by: Jon Thibault Jon Thibault at June 15, 2007 12:23 PM

Eh, nice try troll.

Posted by: steven steven at June 15, 2007 10:03 PM

Snark fest... clever fest... wit fest...

So easy to talk shit in binary...

I like retards. I happen to think they are of a higher consciousness than most of us "normal" people. They smile a lot. They aren't worried with the trivial bullshit we bog ourselves down with. They might actually be more evolved than the rest of us.

I sort of envy them. I aspire to be retarded these days and Andrew WK is my mentor.

Posted by: Brink Brink at June 16, 2007 10:24 PM

Steven,

That was a very intelligent, witty response. It's not trolling; it's pointing out the obvious.

"Bush is dumb."

"Fuck Bush."

"No blood for oil."

"Bush is a nazi."

And, my favorite: "Bush knew!"

Blah, blah, blah.

The Left (in fact, everyone who hates Bush) seems to have run out of simplistic bumper-sticker insults. Can't you guys think of something original to say? If Bill Maher were restricted from talking about how dumb the President is, he wouldn't have any material. It just gets old. Sorry, but it's true.

Incidentally, trolls post only to get a response. I could care less if you respond. Like I said, I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Posted by: Jon Thibault Jon Thibault at June 18, 2007 2:11 AM

Jon, okay I'll bite. I'm supposed to take you seriously when the first thing is see on your Myspace page is something along the lines of "what's up my niggas"? Dude, you're white and from New Hampshire. No, just no.

Posted by: steven steven at June 18, 2007 9:55 AM

I'll ignore your ad hominem attack.

Can't we agree that the platitudinous anti-Bush sloganeering should be stopped, if only because it's become so trite and meaningless? Or do people really think that writing graffiti like "Fuck Bush" is somehow edgy and dangerous?

"Oooooooh, I used the F-word. I'm changing the world, man!"

It's boring and lazy, and I don't hear anyone disagreeing.

Posted by: Jon Thibault Jon Thibault at June 18, 2007 12:19 PM

Seriously, you're saying I'm boring, intellectually lazy and perhaps retarded and then you get all shirty when you're called out on your casual racism?

Posted by: steven steven at June 18, 2007 12:37 PM

Sigh.

No, Steven, I'm calling your June 10th blog (and its subject matter) boring, intellectually lazy, and DEFINITELY retarded.

I feel like a third-grade teacher trying to keep a Ritalin-addicted class on track, and somebody named Steven forgot to take his medication this morning. So, I patiently repeat what I've already written:

Posted by: at June 18, 2007 1:24 PM

Political commentator and self-described progressive Matt Taibbi tackled the issue of Bush bashing and equating America with Nazi Germany in a piece he wrote recently for Adbusters:

What makes the American left silly? Things that in a vacuum should be logical impossibilities are frighteningly common in lefty political scenes. The word “oppression” escaping, for any reason, the mouths of kids whose parents are paying 20 grand for them to go to private colleges. Academics in Priuses using the word “Amerika.” Ebonics, Fanetiks, and other such insane institutional manifestations of white guilt. Combat berets. Combat berets in conjunction with designer coffees. Combat berets in conjunction with designer coffees consumed at leisure in between conversational comparisons of America to Nazi Germany.

We all know where this stuff comes from. Anyone who’s ever been to a lefty political meeting knows the deal – the problem is the “spirit of inclusiveness” stretched to the limits of absurdity. The post-sixties dogma that everyone’s viewpoint is legitimate, everyone‘s choice about anything (lifestyle, gender, ethnicity, even class) is valid, that’s now so totally ingrained that at every single meeting, every time some yutz gets up and starts rambling about anything, no matter how ridiculous, no one ever tells him to shut the fuck up. Next thing you know, you’ve got guys on stilts wearing mime makeup and Cat-in-the-Hat striped top-hats leading a half-million people at an anti-war rally. Why is that guy there? Because no one told him that war is a matter of life and death and that he should leave his fucking stilts at home.

Then there’s the tone problem. A hell of a lot of what the left does these days is tediously lecture middle America about how wrong it is, loudly snorting at a stubbornly unchanging litany of Republican villains. There’s a weirdly indulgent tone to all of this Bush-bashing that goes on in lefty media, a tone that’s not only annoyingly predictable in its pervasiveness, but a turnoff to people who might have tuned in to that channel in search of something else.

Posted by: Jon Sattler Jon Sattler at June 18, 2007 2:40 PM

At least you got the diagnosis right, but I think I function around the level of an eighth grader, which is about the national average reading comprehension-wise.

Is sloganeering trite? Most certainly, but it goes both ways Thibault. The level of discourse in politics has been boiled down to what fits on a bumper sticker or in a thirty second ad.
I'd gladly write 5000 words on the folly of Bush, but who will read it?

I'll defend the "Fuck Bush" post because it was topical and I had the pics laying around. My brief is to treat politics like the Star treats gossip. Bush was in a city where he is not loved and the graffiti is, or at least was all over Rome in 2004. I'm going back to Rome in October and I'll let you know if it's still there. I am often quite juvenile in my humor and I don't have to justify it to anyone, it was indeed a slow news day when I ran it and honestly I needed to fill some space.

You're right to feel some fatigue over the constant attacks on Bush's intelligence etc. it's relentless and there's an industry devoted to mocking him. Mostly it's bandwagon jumpers who were waiting to see which way the wind was blowing before they came out of their fear-induced comas and turned on their boy. I don't suppose you remember the 90's when the knives were out for that gold-plated redneck Clinton? Once he started parsing the meaning of "is" it was all over. So it goes for George, his hubris has led him to a place where he is a figure of ridicule.

In the end, George is a big boy and he can take care of himself, the fact that he was in Rome tells me he could give a rat's ass about what a couple million Leftists, Anarchists and Commies think. The problem is he's equally uncaring about what 60%+ of his own citizens are saying and that's my .02 euros.

(but seriously, as someone who thought it was ironic and edgy to bomb around the South for ten years in a Suburban with a rebel flag on the roof, lose the wiggerisms. There's a point where we have to grow up and turn our backs on childish things and consider how others see us. Narcissism and South Park Libertarianism are what's truly anti-intellectual and boring)

Posted by: steven steven at June 18, 2007 2:42 PM

"I'd gladly write 5000 words on the folly of Bush, but who will read it?"

I probably would. You shouldn't underestimate your readership.

Regarding your last comment: "Lose the wiggerisms. There's a point where we have to grow up and turn our backs on childish things and consider how others see us."

Thanks, dad.

When I need funny lessons from you, I'll let you know. Like you, I don't have to justify my humor to anyone. If you don't like it, don't go out of your way to read it.

Holla!

Posted by: Jon Thibault Jon Thibault at June 18, 2007 3:05 PM

Oh fuck, two Jons.

Okay Sattler the deal is this: The last lefty political meeting I went to was probably in 1977(?) when a bunch of us were bussed from our comfortable Pasadena high school to East LA to poster for the Farm Worker's Initiative. I think I'm like a lot of people, stuck somewhere in the middle of the political spectrum and the extremism on both sides is pretty off-putting. I've got equal scorn for the grim fuckers in grey suits and flag pins as I do for that asshole on the stilts. However and it's a big however, when I hear elected officials and their handlers talking about permanent majorities(and I don't give a fuck which party they belong to) I start scribbling swastikas. Mind you swastikas are just what comes to mind first since the Nazis built such an enduring brand, the Soviets and the Chinese had shit for PR.

I'm enough of a "leftist" that I think people are entitled to their opinions and they should be heard, but I'm also wishing the nuts in either wings of the parties would STFU and form their own parties. Of course, they'd never win an election in the current system, Independents etc. are scarcer than hen's teeth at the Federal level, but wouldn't CSPAN be a lot more interesting if we had coalition Governments forming and dissolving like Italian Parliaments?

Thibault: Ow, Dad. I've avoided procreating and becoming a boring old fuck and it went and happened anyway. Shit.

Posted by: steven steven at June 18, 2007 4:40 PM

"If Woody had been listening to Andrew W.K., none of this would have happened..."

Posted by: Brink Brink at June 18, 2007 9:39 PM

Independents etc. are scarcer than hen's teeth at the Federal level, but wouldn't CSPAN be a lot more interesting if we had coalition Governments forming and dissolving like Italian Parliaments?

I agree that a new political narrative would be refreshing. So many people are dissatisfied with both the Republicans and the Democrats that someone with a war chest like Michael Bloomberg could break the federal two-party monopoly. Is it a long shot? Not as great as people think. According to the latest Gallop poll, more Americans now identify themselves as Independents than either Republicans or Democrats. If on-again-off-again candidate Ross Perot could receive 19 percent of the vote in ’92 with his pie charts and kooky brand of billionaire populism, imagine how well an efficient pragmatist with a proven track record could do.

We’ll leave the Nazi discussion for another time.

Posted by: Jon Sattler Jon Sattler at June 18, 2007 11:08 PM

My only worry about third parties is that they're beholden to the same interests as the main two we have if they want to survive.

Basically the office of President is attainable only to the very wealthy or those with wealthy backers regardless of qualification. I can't remember which Roman Emperor bought the office for 300 million sesterces (odd I can remember the figure), but the parallels are there.

Is the ability to run a multi-billion dollar business the skill set for a President? I'm not convinced. I'm of the opinion that government should run more like a business; budgets, targets, customer and shareholder value, but our present administration was supposed to be all business and we seem to have gotten all the bad parts of business and none of the benefits.

Posted by: steven steven at June 19, 2007 11:46 AM

Oh and the Nazis? I think it's best to let it lie. The Nazi thing gets tossed around pretty lightly, but it was killing and mayhem on an Industrial scale, truly horrific.

Posted by: steven steven at June 19, 2007 11:53 AM

CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Huge Flare-Up in Hell as Blob of Fat Hits Fire

posted by Steven Felty at 11:57 AM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

Burn In The Hell of Your Own Invention

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I wonder how many underage boys are suddenly without their weekly retainer?

Posted by: Mick Travis Bickle Mick Travis Bickle at May 16, 2007 1:04 PM

Interesting thought Mick, but that would be the Catholickish fat-blobs. Everyone knows that Babtizts don't fornicate, adulterate, fellate, or pediphilate.

Or depilate, for that matter.

(sizzle. crackle. sizzle. snap. BURN?).

Posted by: Ian Ian at May 16, 2007 1:32 PM

Isn't illegal to bury large quantities of trans fats? If he's cremated then it will be akin to the Chernobyl cloud except and we should all stay inside. Pity the fool who does the embalming I'd rather comb the fur under the fridge with my tongue.
I"M SO GLAD THAT EVIL FUCKER IS GONE!!

Posted by: Reich Spits On Falwell's Corpse Reich Spits On Falwell's Corpse at May 16, 2007 2:09 PM

Falwell's heyday was so far in the past--during the Ronnie Raygun years--that I've been a bit surprised by the headlines his death has generated. Even so, the man has always had a penchant for keeping his name (and his fundamentalist beliefs) in the news.

I remember when he enacted a "hostile/holy takeover" of the PTL (Jim & Tammy Faye) Heritage Rip-Off Christian Theme Park and hurtled himself down their waterslide as a show of "power."

It was a watershed moment. Falwell's Moral Majority, though doomed to flow into and be wholly absorbed by the general evangelical political sentiments of the late 8os and early 90s, did indeed build the groundwork for the re-emergence of the Bush dynasty in the person of God's favored warlord--George W.

In his latter years, Falwell was just a voice braying--occasionally--in the wind. One has to grasp the intricacies of the American Bible-Thumping set here; Falwell was a staunch Baptist and he--more than anyone--blanched when the truly evangelical form of Christianity (exemplified by Pat Robertson) took control of Protestantism in the 90s.

Falwell's Baptist ilk were seriously damaged by the "boom" of the "Super-Churches"--those 14,000-member congregations that advertise such closeness to Jesus that they don't even bother to denote themselves as "denominations." The whole "non-denominational" shite. Before that time, the Southern Baptist Convention was the fastest-growing denomination in the USA. That stopped abruptly once "tongue-speak" became the shiny new fad.

Of course, many of the same so-called "family values" Falwell espoused were shared by his evangelical rivals, but one never saw him hanging out with Robertson or Dobson--not much.

American Protestant politics are more complicated than is thought.

I'm certain Falwell's loved ones are sad at his passing--condolences are theirs--but he was one of the original and most foul bile-spewers par excellence. I don't happen to believe in Hell (I doubt Steven does either), but the blob-dropping pork-sizzlin'-on-brimstone metaphor was actually a good one on Felty's part.

Falwell earned that kind of jibe, even if it is only a jibe. He merited that.

A divisive, savvy, religious terrorist--as dangerous in his heyday as any Islamic extremist.

Posted by: Ian "Immoral Minority" Ransom Ian "Immoral Minority" Ransom at May 16, 2007 3:42 PM

Ian, if the universe is a truly ordered place then Mr. Falwell's conciousness has been projected into the Hell he envisioned. I don't believe it, but it'd be a nice piece of quantam housekeeping.

Anywho, his influence may have waned, but the damage he's done is still with us. I feel a bit like one of those Fred Phelps nuts with the signs at funerals, taking so much glee in his passing, but he was a very bad man and he lived way too long.

Posted by: steven steven at May 16, 2007 4:39 PM

Oh well shut my mouth... Towle Road has this beaut posted.

Posted by: steven steven at May 16, 2007 5:21 PM

"Everyone knows that Babtizts don't fornicate, adulterate, fellate, or pediphilate.

Or depilate, for that matter."

Right. If the past eyewitness accounts are accurate, in Jerry's case they git real drunk behind closed doors and pass out an' ain't gone be doin' NOTHIN' then.

The folks running Jerry's local bar back in Lynchburg is SO not stoked right now...

Posted by: MP MP at May 17, 2007 1:29 AM

Is he wearing one of those diabedies bracelets? the one that tells the pramedics he's an afflicted dude so they know what to do with him when he has a heart attack?

Posted by: Brink Brink at May 18, 2007 5:29 AM

I know it's bad form, on principle, to heave editors on a site centered on generating comic relief from cultural narcissism adulation but this is flat out, the most apt title, possibly ever.

Posted by: Sir Philip Sir Philip at May 20, 2007 5:49 PM

CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT

Saturday, May 5, 2007

weekend indigestibles VI

posted by Steven Felty at 1:00 PM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

Honestly, these things write themselves. I get a little less sleep, forgo the coffee; my IQ drops and my mind is protected from the nightmares that our Pop Culture vomits onto the page.

Donald Trump is expanding the Trump brand. Coming soon to the Sharper Image catalog: Trump Steaks. Our own Ian Ransom may be onto something, instead of "writing" a book when he (thankfully) leaves office maybe George Bush can come out with tubs of frozen "Commander Guy" BBQ Pulled Pork? "I'm the Decider and I decided you need to pull my pork for dinner."

In a video that Luis Buñuel would have appreciated, David Hasslehoff was taped eating a hamburger while incredibly intoxicated by one of his daughters. The shirtless and slurring Hoff sort of reminded me of the commercial that Paris Hilton did for Carl's Junior, only more appealing.

Coincidentally, Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail yesterday for parole violation and driving on a suspended license, she won't be allowed to spend her time in a private jail or a work release center; instead she will report to a County facility on June 5th for a month and a half of starchy food and harsh lowest bid-supplied personal hygiene products. She will emerge from jail fat, pale and frizzy. No doubt an ambulance will whisk her off to a spa.

I almost feel bad for Paris, I was in a similar situation and jail is a drag. I had a "job" polishing floors eight hours a day and in the evenings, I would write and read letters for fellow inmates who were illiterate. I even managed to teach my cellmate the rudiments of reading and writing. To this day, my floors are spotless. I hope that a kind inmate will teach Paris to read and play spades. (and not cut off all her hair with a homemade knife.)

Speaking of assholes, in what is surely a sign of The Apocalypse, I bring you the Chocolate Anus, an amusingly transgressive bit of food porn that is sure to be a hit with the kids next Halloween.

I see all sorts of crossover promotion here: David Hasslehoff and Paris Hilton writhing on a Hilton Hotel room floor, Paris looks into the camera (and simultaneously somewhere off frame, damn that wonky eye) and sighs "Oh David, stick your Trump Meat in my Chocolate Anus! That's Hot!" Chocolate Anuses on Hilton Hotel pillows. The horror.

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You were in the stripey hole? Say it ain't so--I hope it was for civil disobedience ala Thoreau.

The whole hassle the Hoff thing just looks staged to me.
I mean a decade ago this would have been funny but now it's just the celebrity melt down of the day to be followed by the obligatory "let's begin the healing process/rehab/sorry I used the N word you Afro Americans speech."

And it's sad because it's really NOT entertaining anymore.

Paris seemed to have been under the impression what she was beyond any legal reproach, I actually blamed her 'who wants to be a Hilton now' mother. Mother should have raised her daughter with better manners and decorum . An heiress DID THINGS when I was growing up, they were athletes, scholars active in prestigious charities and actually the nicer of the rich kids.

Posted by: BARBARO FOREVER BARBARO FOREVER at May 5, 2007 6:45 PM

Oh Amanda, sadly I was in for the same thing as Paris, and I don't mean being a vacuous whore. We who are Steven had a nasty habit of driving under the influence for which we are truly repentant, but we're not all Twelve Step so don't anyone expect an "Amends" phone call any time soon.

As much as I adore Andy Warhol, much of today's celebutard culture is his fault. The least Paris could do is OD or light a hotel room on fire a la Edie Sedgewick.

You also have to remember that inherited wealth and social prestige seem to fade after three generations. If Paris has children, they'll probably end up living on the residuals from any future "leaked" Paris Hilton porn.

Posted by: steven steven at May 5, 2007 7:02 PM

Well at least you are older and wiser and won't steal fizzy lifting drinks anymore.

I feel that in intelligent families it's actually the third generation that pays back ala Kennedy's. Though that might not be the best example because the Kennedys are all over the place in terms of making, betraying and repaying the legacy of big money.

Paris will be crying and freaked out her first few days surely.

Posted by: BARBARO FOREVER BARBARO FOREVER at May 5, 2007 7:46 PM

Ha! I kinda like the idea of a George Bush pork enterprise to match his pheromones. Quelle apropos. Can't you see his jug-eared mug emblazoned on a tub of pulled, BBQ hog shreds? He could even have his own, separate line of "fixins" to go with the frazzled pig parts.

Then again, you must know that George Bush would take over an otherwise thriving pork business and, within a year, run it completely into the fucking ground.

Those "rectal confections," Steven, are--ahem--truly apocalyptic. I don't think I've seen anything as obscene since...since...well, since watching the Hoff video only a moment prior to learning of the anuses. Thanks for that one, Steven...you ruined my appetite for a week (which is not necessarily a bad thing).

The only thing that could've made it truly surreal is if the Hoff's hepatitic face had, in fact, been absolutely smeared with the brown residue from his own gluttonous attack upon a box of Butthole Bon Bons.

Personally, I can't celebrate the idea of anyone being locked-up like an animal, even the asinine Hilton doxy. The only mystifying thing (to me) is that the news outlets still refer to her and her haggard mother as "socialites." SuperAmanda has a good point: the genuine high-society folk have very different ideas about what constitutes "accomplishment" in their young 'uns.

I can't picture anyone truly reputable from the Hamptons hanging out with anyone from that low-rent Hilton clan. That family-tree has been full of Howler Monkeys for decades. No blue-blood in that bunch--I'd bet their plasma consists totally of LaBrea tar.

I admire your candor about being incarcerated. Sorry you had to endure such a thing, but at least you were of service to the other guys. (I don't mean that the way it sounds). I have a very dear friend who just went through a DUI and it's not a pretty process.

Even better, thank the Higher Power that you aren't a Twelve-Stepper. I have "views" about that philosophy, though I'm no expert about it. People becoming addicted to their own "powerlessness." Fuck that. I've never met an avid 12-Stepper who didn't totally unnerve me for some odd reason.

Then again, I know it helps some people who believe they could not be helped otherwise, so I'll refrain from totally judging.

They'll likely make the Hilton skunk do some sort of 12-Step thing, right? Isn't that what they do? I think it's horrible that the legal system requires that kind of cult-ish treatment, but I wouldn't mind seeing that flouter of law & decorum get a heapin' helpin' of the "cure."

We all know where this will end: a "reality" series and probably a six-figure book deal.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to shoot myself in the head.

You rule, Felty. (And your little dog, too).

Posted by: Iansky Iansky at May 5, 2007 8:14 PM

The Kennedys are an interesting bunch considering the family was founded on booze smuggling, but ya gotta start somewhere.

Is there anyone in The Hamptons (or anywhere) that is truly aristocratic? Certainly there's a lot of very wealthy people, but aren't most of their fortunes attached to something bad (slavery, rum-running, stock manipulation) or mundane(canned food, clothing design, infomercials). Money can't buy dignity, manners or gravitas.

I think it's best to be candid about stuff like DUIs, particularly in my case since I hand out a lot of mockery to Lohan et al. I know what I'm talking about you PopTarts! Getting locked up was just the end result of a chain of bad decisions, better people than me have gone to the pokey for worse. My short spell in jail gave me time to reflect and also to face the nervous breakdown I'd been keeping at bay with the drinking. I stared into The Abyss, The Abyss stared back and offered me a Trump Steak with a plate of Chocolate Anuses.

I think the bright spot is that a Judge saw fit to ignore Paris' "celebrity" and hand her a sentence that he'd hand to anyone else who violated their probation and drove on a suspension. She knew she wasn't allowed to drive and she assumed that she'd be given a fine and community service. Surprise!

The Twelve Step thing is problematic. I've no doubt they've helped people, but people like myself aren't open to their mix of theology, self denunciation and dependence. I don't feel as though I have a chronic relapsing disease or whatever is fashionable. I had a bad habit and I dealt with it. I do in fact have a glass of wine every now and then and I've been known to toss back a sambuca or two after a big dinner, I just don't drive afterwards. Am I "relapsing" or just drinking responsibly? Mind you, I'm also ten years older now and my idea of a good time doesn't involve jumping from moving cars to tackle an opossum anymore.

Paris will no doubt profit($) from her incarceration, I imagine her release will be turned into a media event and she'll find some way to make it pay. Me, I just blog my dirty laundry.

All in all, totally not worth shooting yourself over Ian. Kick a reality Teevee "star" instead.

Posted by: steven steven at May 5, 2007 9:55 PM

I forgot to comment about your revelation of Trump's meatpacking endeavor. What can one say? He's freakish, but I expect he knows that and likes it. The bizarre aspect is that he feels the need to carve out a cheesy television persona and now... food?

Trust me, real estate is a full-time occupation at many levels. Why would he need to garner attention via foolish things like steak? His penis must be inordinately tiny. He must be chronically bored. Likely, he's ignored by the "uppitiest" social crowds and wants to overcompensate with the ham-fisted illusion of "fame." Who knows about such minds?

No, there is no real aristocracy in the United States, in "America." The closest anyone came was with the Vanderbilts, Biltmores, Carnegies, Hearsts, et al. and even they didn't fit into the British prototype that defined "class," and their descendants couldn't maintain the grandeur.

We have always lacked that very English component, along with actual "royalty" (whatever the hell that ever meant), and so many of us lavish adulation upon "faces" in the news, mostly. Of course.

It claws at the mind; America still has little appreciation for its (relatively speaking) "newbie" status. I very much believe in the American ethos, but we weren't even a genuine "world power" until the 20th century. Our wonderful nation is not getting it, currently. Gee, THAT's a newsflash, huh?

Our culture & society is very much a half-assed "fame mock-up" of the Brit archetype--and lest we forget, England was still *the* super empire long after this nation was well over one hundred years "young."

I'm telling you: I think someone needs to write a book simply called "The History of Fame" (if it hasn't already been done...I don't feel like googling to see right this minute). Something comprehensive and scholarly. Cintra could do it; she has the scholarly chops to pull that off...but it would require an enormous amount of research. Time, time, time. But I guarantee you: that book/treatment would be on the shelves (or in the cyber-archives) forever.

Someone is going to pitch the idea. It might not be a bestseller, but it would have legs, I believe. Maybe I should pitch it, but I have another fish to fry. Destiny seems to be bringing me to it and I've run from it long enough. But daunting? Good grief. The next three months are crucial in terms of the direction that I will choose to take in my life, and I'm not entirely certain about what I want and what I don't want. Why I am telling this to anyone, I do not know. I guess I like and trust those who dwell in Wilson's house.

But, we all go through these things, no?

I don't believe in addiction, so much...perhaps like you I believe in the existence of "bad habits" that can be eradicated or transformed, with some actual ACTUAL effort and soul-searching. I think it's very difficult and I think that people need to seek wisdom where it can be found...and that, usually, normally, comes with age.

Would I ever eat a Trump steak? Not likely.

I wouldn't do it for the same reasons that I wouldn't likely ever eat at a Planet Hollywood or laugh at a Roz Chast cartoon.

God (or Whom/Whatever) gave me that much sense, I guess.

The jury is still out in terms of "the rest of it." But that's okay.

We should all just hope for the day when we can sail away on Bailey's boat (you know she would keep us on our toes with her wonderfully bewitching prose; I just like that chick!) and SuperAmanda (with her own singular smarts and superlative rack) would protect us in ways we could not fathom.

Then there's Cintra. Our very own 'Pirate Jenny.'

I'd swab her deck, and you would, too.

Posted by: Ian "Trump MY Big Beefsteak, Donald!" Ransom Ian "Trump MY Big Beefsteak, Donald!" Ransom at May 5, 2007 11:21 PM

Cintra Wilson's History of Fame: Caligula to Aguilera

Get on that CW!

I've got a book cooking as well, but it's a very involved thing and I'm not sure where to start or if I should since it's appeal is limited. In fact everything I want to write is limited re: sales. I'm destined to be one of those old farts, shelves bursting with vanity press softcovers, or even worse self published at Kinkos.

Ian, regarding addiction, it a very real thing, the chemical and psychological dependency, but the word "addiction" is tossed around so casually these days. You can have a bad gambling habit, shop too much but I don't see it as an addiction.

On the other hand, if you repeatedly dose yourself with a chemical substance so your metabolism is dependent on that chemical to function then you got yourself an addiction. It can be argued that people who gamble and shop obsessively are addicted to their own adrenaline etc, but I've never seen a compulsive shopper go through what a heroin addict experiences when they're kicking.

Trump has a compulsion to attach his name to things and I wish we had a modern day Anthony Trollope (Tom Wolfe ain't cutting it in this regard) who would cast Trump as his Augustus Melmotte. The Way We Live Now could use a modern recasting.

If we're all going to sail away on Bailey's sloop, she'd better sneak back to the Seattle Yacht Club and seize Olympus. Her own very sturdy craft at thirty-odd feet is probably too small for congenial living, no matter how beamy she may be. Plus I tend to barf a lot for the first couple of days when I sail, we need lots of space. I'm thinking a Craig Loomes designed trimaran hull in the 250' to 300' range. ;-)

Posted by: steven steven at May 6, 2007 9:17 AM

Ok, at first scan i was not sure. You made me hee haw and read your blog again! Thanks for the smile :)

Posted by: GREAT GREAT at May 6, 2007 11:06 AM

First of all, it was a grand day. Didn’t rain and hanging out aboard Olympus is pretty amazing, I’ve been before, but it’s otherworldly. Also it has a Julie Andrews suite, she likes to stay there, know you’ll have fun with that one. This occasion was a party of 12, we drank champagne all morning, enjoying the environs of a classic design circa 1929, then did the sit down lunch while all the crazy showboats whizzed by..... Olympus is a wooden boat, about 100 ft long that cruised a lot of presidents, society types, the guy that had it built was Pres of the stock exchange and then after the depression, sold it. Today, it’s probably priceless.

Also, one of the guests was a hero of some sorts to many, Jim Whittaker. He’s a mighty fine specimen of a man, had the greatest chat. At first I got a bit of the sniff sniff you like in Paris which gets old, but I won over the crowd, all I of which I could navigate within 2 degrees of separation; Seattle is small. Jim and I discussed the relationship with nature that is being lost, especially with the young. My father was an avid flyfisherman, muv is mad for the birds, Audubon society, so I had enough credentials through osmosis. You farmer boys would have approved.

First of all, she’s not 30 ft, nor a sloop, she’s a 43 Nauticat ketch named MADI, after the crazy aunt that sez shit like “Now rrrrrrrrroberto, you make sure no one geeves yuuuu no shit”

She can sleep 6, our cabin is as big as most bedrooms. Which was not good crossing the Atlantic as I felt like I was a coke bottle in the dispenser, rolling back and forth for 3 weeks, empty bottles of ambient strewn across the teak floor…

Vomit candidate; well you would not be the first. When we set sail from the Port of Halifax to cross the Atlantic, one of the crew I’d hired was an adorable French Quebec kid named Francois that still sends me emails….he spent the first three days throwing up everything I served and then some, we just tied him to the rails and hoped he keep up his 6 hr watch. Aside from the fact he was the first to regurgitate my gastronomic attempts, he’d put ketchup on my fillet mignon, but all was forgiven, we lived to tell the tale…Madi’s in Malta, very unhappy, unused, but she’s 33000 pounds of sturdy engineering, built by the Finns to take the Baltic….she can take you too…but maybe we’d all rather travel together in our minds, n’est

Posted by: Captain Chezbayless Captain Chezbayless at May 6, 2007 2:06 PM

I'd like to make a request here and now -- do not hassle the Hoff. The man is big in countries that have a penchant for the boot and the riding crop, where the trains are always on time -- I'm talking about your Austria, Germany and your Switzerland. There's something about the Hoff's lean, male brilliance makes crypto-fascist frauleins weak in the knees, something that causes older maidens to blush for dreams of goosesteps gone by. All kidding aside, if your career had caromed from the Young and the Restless, to Knight Rider, to Baywatch to bad pop that's big Europe -- well, maybe you'd also be having a battle with the bottle. How must it be knowing that you will forever be synonymous with dreck?

Now -- as for Paris -- you have to figure the family is going to hire one of those private consultants that helps to prepare the super-rich to serve time. Martha Stewart had one before she went in. Paris won't go soft like Joe Francis (Girls Gone Wild and object of envy) who, while serving time for taking naked videos of underage girls, cried like one because he was caught smuggling some tasty narcotic pills into his cell. Paris will be in the pocket, more Lil' Kim that a little dim. This is the best thing for her career yet.

Here is my grand theory on the recent rash of famous imprisonments: The fact is life in the US is a bit unfair, at least from certain points of view. Rich people DO live longer, have more fun, do more drugs with less penalty and never have to work. And no, usually, they didn't "earn" it. So, one way we take the edge off, one way we as a hyper-cultural society ensure that the envy pot doesn't boil over, is to put a misbehaving high roller in the clink every so often. It fools the great unwashed into thinking it's a free country. And it keeps the rest of the idle wealthy just on their toes just in case they happen to be the next one caught...

Posted by: DonMiguel DonMiguel at May 7, 2007 7:06 AM

You're right Don Miguel, I should lay off The Hoff, what do I know of his pain and torment? Life has dealt him a shitty hand, he slaves away at mediocrity; knowing that in a perfect world he could have been a lawn guy that drove a snow plow in the off season.

I'm willing to be Paris' Incarceration Consultant, that is if the Hilton Family thinks they'd like to spend some money to tell Paris how to do a county sentence that is likely to amount to significantly less than 45 days after figuring in good behavior( something like every three days counting as four), possibly working (half a day for every day worked) and attending AA meetings (usually five meetings gets you another day off). Heck, I'd do it on barter. I'll teach Paris how to keep her mouth shut, not stare down the meanest girl in the pod and how to play spades and in return, I get to paw through her stuff and keep any homemade porn that seems marketable.

You are spot on in your Grand Theory, but merely imprisoning a celebutard every now and then isn't keeping the pot from boiling over. The people want blood. I think the same people who were happy to say, see Mel Gibson's public humiliation would also enjoy Pete Doherty being pushed through a plate glass window. ( as much as I like The Libertines and Babyshambles, I'd buy a ticket to the Defenestration of Pete)

Posted by: steven steven at May 7, 2007 8:53 AM

Cher Madame-Captain of The Good Ship Madi,

Madi sounds cozy indeed. I would be a good crewman and take my ginger capsules, wear my accupressure wrist bands and plaster myself with scopolomine patches so I could keep down the your world renowned petit filet mignon avec le sauce de Heinz.

In the very distant past, I crewed a delivery from San Francisco to Vancouver of a 52' Cheoy Lee Motorsailer and it was rough weather from the word go. The four hour watches on the bow for deadheads were always a treat and it quite cured me of any desire to run away and be a pirate.

Posted by: steven "lunch overboard" felty steven "lunch overboard" felty at May 7, 2007 9:07 AM

Babe. Come aboard, you know the drill.

After your post and ensuing defense of celebrity at its best/base/normal I'm simply grateful to be heading back to the real eiffel tower after this bizarre little overntie pitstop.

Paris may be led by its newest flatulent neocon but it's still all about gorgeous distractions, the kind that feed you....coming home is a luxury like no other but the drone of the TV, with all the hysterical and base distractions has sapped more of my soul than the very thought of living in london could do....

thank god for c-span, i caught so many great book reviews in the wee hours..

Viva Las Vegas!!!

btw, the boat that won best show boat on opening day was a big fat head of Elvis, lips moving et al...it was fucking hilarious...

Posted by: The Other Eiffel Tower The Other Eiffel Tower at May 7, 2007 10:45 AM

Not to repeat myself or anything, but I was just remembering the last time the Hoff soiled himself publicly (and got Dregulated) back in 20-ought-six....

According to the Associated Press, David Hasselhoff’s publicist Judy Katz vigorously denied reports that The Hoff was too drunk to board a plane from Heathrow Airport to LA last week. She said that reports that he was so -faced that he couldn’t stand up "totally untrue."

Hasselhoff was not drunk. He might be a notorious, falling-down alcoholic who has flunked rehab several times, and his divorce to Pamela Bach, his wife of 16 years, may have been finalized mere days previous to the allegation, and he may have been loudly and publicly lamenting this fact to any member of airport staff who would listen...but that certainly had nothing to do with drunkness.

Hasselhoff, according to Katz, was under the influence of “strong antibiotics.” Yes. “Strong antibiotics,” for a “recent arm injury.”

And don’t think that just because there were reports that Hasselhoff was so trashed he had to be removed from the All England Club (home of Wimbledon) earlier this month means that he was drunk then, either. He already denied that he was drunk that time, and so, that wasn’t what you thought it was. It wasn’t.

No, at Heathrow, Haselhoff apparently took enough Cipro to catch the kind of buzz that makes you fall down, wet your pants and and slur your words to the point where the only thing coming out is stuff like: “PAMELA……grrrhhhhmmm….uorhms…..fummgh…..harmmhefuggh….
PAMELA.” But he wasn’t drunk.

Now, if I had only known I could catch that kind of rolling blackout-buzz from antibiotics, I would have run out and caught a venereal disease years ago. Think of all the amoxicillin I threw away after the intestinal amoeba I picked up in Cabo San Lucas! Dumb! Dumb!

Last month, Hoff “sliced four tendons and an artery” in a “shaving accident” at his London hotel. He was, no doubt, under the influence of a powerful, mood-altering yogurt. We can only hope that Hasselhoff isn’t going into one of those probiotic/antibiotic speedball tailspins. Pretty soon you’re selling your TV, your phone gets turned off, and they find you wandering around drugstore parking lots in the middle of the night, swilling kefir straight out of the carton and haplessly sucking on depleted tubes of Neosporin.

Twelve Steps don't look so sucky when the only alternatives are constant public humiliation or incarceration (a state lending fearful new meaning to the term 'Chocolate Anus'). Hasselhoff probably should attempt to become addicted to his own un-lifeguardlike powerlessness before he plows Kit the Talking Car into a Girl Scout troop with his pants around his ankles and slices of Trump pimento-loaf tiled over each nipple.

That might really hurt his image.

Posted by: Cintra "Rerun" Wilson Cintra "Rerun" Wilson at May 7, 2007 2:27 PM

The Bush-barbecue bit is almost on the money, but for this: He would beyond any doubt be a Brisket Guy -- maybe with a Sausage Guy sideline, plus Commander Guy Texas Style Certified WMD Barbecue Sauce "Doing My Part to Promote Global Warming!" (TM).

Posted by: Godmonkey Godmonkey at May 7, 2007 2:29 PM

Cintra I'm dying of laughter, but it's probably all the Dannon Activa yougurt I ate with mixing with the antibiotic in my Crest Total.

Lucky for the Hoff he didn't have one of those shaving accidents where you fall thirty stories into a parked car.

Posted by: steven " Cinnamon Apple Higher Power Bar" felty steven " Cinnamon Apple Higher Power Bar" felty at May 7, 2007 2:33 PM

Godmonkey, Bush could never be a brisket guy. If he can't handle something relatively easy like being President, how's he supposed to get the hang of brisket?

Posted by: steven steven at May 7, 2007 3:05 PM

CONTRIBUTE TO THE CULTURAL DOGFIGHT

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

ON THIS IMPORTANT AMERICAN ANNIVERSARY

posted by Cintra Wilson at 10:58 AM
Category: Egg-Hurling | Permalink

Just goes to show ye: a Texas-size helping of morbid narcissism can suck all the proper magnetic balance out of the world, and kill thousands of innocent people.

And to think th